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Crazy looks like me some days.

Queen Big Lips

Queen Big Lips

“If you’re crazy, there’s two things you can do to make yourself feel better: One is to get yourself cured. The other is to make everyone you have to deal with crazy.” — Alan Dean Foster

I was having a conversation with some lovely women this weekend about mental illness. I’ve already talked before on the blog about mine, so I won’t get into that again.

But there are days when I feel like I’m barely hanging onto sanity. Not that I’m ever likely to go into some fun sort of craziness where I see things crawling on the walls or start talking to people who aren’t there. Nope, my crazy shows up in different ways. Like not wanting to get out of bed or not being able to deal with crowds. BTW, telling me to “cheer up”

Every day for me involves evaluating my mental state. Sounds exhausting? At first it was, but now it’s become habit. Why do I do this? To make sure that I’m coping well and not sliding into some sort of funk that will affect how I want to live my life. So far, just being aware and making minor adjustments as I need to has helped me maintain fairly well without any medication adjustments.

To answer the question, when will I stop taking medication? Most likely never. At least not any time soon. Our bodies chemistry changes throughout our lives and I do hope that one day mine will change to the extent that I won’t need the daily pill that keeps me stable. Hasn’t happened yet. That fact doesn’t depress me or frustrate me. It is what it is.

Despite all the mental/chemical/physiological stuff, I’ve reached a point where I’m fairly content and happy. Sure, there are things that could be better, different, easier, etc. Why worry about what I can’t change…or can’t change immediately? It is what it is.

So, yes. I’m a crazy person. I’ve embraced my personal craziness and am living my life just as I am. I am what I am.


In some ways this just might be true.

I had a great weekend. I haven’t enjoyed myself that much for that length of time in quite some time. (Not including the times I’m with DH and the dogs, because that time is truly special and wonderful.) It was great to spend time knitting, learning, laughing, and chatting with new friends.

What I learned:
*How to use a drop spindle. This is going to take loads more practice before I achieve an even strand of fiber, but it’s really quite relaxing.

Drop spindle and roving

Drop spindle and roving

*Magic loop. Double point needles are a thing of the past…almost. There are a few other things I have to learn about magic loop before I can ditch the dpn’s in my sock knitting. But I’m using ml to knit the sleeves on my baby sweater and it’s so easy!
*Top-down sweater knitting. I feel pretty confidant and look forward to starting a top down sweater soon as I can afford the yarn for it. We got a pattern in the class and I’d like to make my first in a cotton yarn with 3/4 sleeves so I can wear it into the early summer. Unless I don’t start knitting until summer and then it still may be in cotton, just with long sleeves so I can wear it in the fall.
Top-down baby sweater

Top-down baby sweater

*Knit 1 below. The purple and white scarf that I worked on this weekend taught me a great technique for vertical stripes without having to carry the yarn.
Knit-one-below scarf

Knit-one-below scarf

*A new make 1 increase. I actually kind of knew how to do the pickup between stitches type increase, but I wasn’t twisting my stitch properly. Now I am and I won’t have to use bar increases all the time.
*A new way to cast on a stitch when I’ve already got live stitches on the needle. It just looks tighter and neater. My knitting improved in many ways this weekend and I’m really excited about that.

I won a couple of door prizes during the weekend. One was a bag with a mug, Lindt truffles, and a project bag in it. The project bag is generously sized and already has the yarn and supplies for a new shawl in it.

Project bag

Project bag

Of course, I did a bit of shopping as well.

Project bag

Project bag





Yarn bowl

Yarn bowl

I’m at Sheep in the City this weekend. It’s a good weekend for any sort of fiber related activity up here in Wisconsin since it’s cold and snowy outside. I’ll have to venture out at some point to get some lunch, but most of today (Saturday) will be spent indoors learning some new things.

Like SPINNING!!! Yes! I bought a drop spindle and some roving. A very nice woman at the booth where I’ve also dropped a few dollars got me started. It’s not nearly as difficult as I thought and I’ve been spinning away for an hour or so now. Just as relaxing as knitting and as portable with the drop spindle.

I’m also working on a knitted garden gnome. You read that right. It’s another Amy Gaines pattern. In January, I bought three more of her patterns and am just starting work on them. After I finish this one, I plan to move on to a knitted bird and birdhouse…perfect for spring.

I’ve taken a few pictures, but photographing yarn is proving somewhat difficult for me. I’m not happy with how the colors are turning out. It’s good practice though in an area that I’ve never been as comfortable taking pictures.

Time to head back to the action. I think Guild Wars will be starting soon. Two fiber guilds are competing to see how can knit a scarf the fastest…from start to finish. Including carding the wool, spinning it into yarn, and the actual knitting of said wool. Exciting stuff!!! (I really mean that.)

Then my first class (well, it’s a make and take but I will be learning a new technique) starts in an hour. I’ll have a break for lunch. Then the sweater class is this afternoon. The rest of the day will be filled with general hijinks. Maybe I’ll break out the bathing suit and scare some people in the hot tub. *snort*

And for those who wonder, travel was fine yesterday. Some snow flurries developed as I got closer to Rockford and those continued throughout the rest of my trip. Traffic was fine. The interstates in IL left some to be desired. Wonder what Blagojevich was doing with all the money designated for highway repairs. Well, maybe I don’t really wonder. But there are some potholes you could lose yourself in.

And on the food front, I took advantage of the continental breakfast the hotel (Comfort Suites, btw) offered and had a decent, healthy, and filling start to my day. I think I could use another cup of coffee now. Or maybe a bottle of water.

  • Good list of sites. There are a few I'd never heard of, but that's not surprising since I've got other things on my mind these days. I've never claimed to be a social media expert.
    (tags: web web_2.0)

I’ve been using the college’s small fitness center to exercise. It’s really rather underwhelming, but has the advantage of being free. However, I’m starting to realize that I need access to a bit more than is offered.
Kewanee has a YMCA and I’m strongly considering becoming a member. Once upon a time I did water aerobics and really enjoyed it. They offer aquacize there (among other things) and I’d like to start taking classes again. There is also a dance-type aerobics class that I think I would enjoy and is offered in the very early evening.

Now that I’m figuring out the food thing, it’s time to start sweating. The benefit of aquatics exercise is it’s much easier on the joints but also offers resistance. I think I’ve got a bathing suit in IL. It’s not a pretty sight, me in a bathing suit, but I’ll suffer the humiliation for a good cause.

I was looking at the weight range for my height. It’s between 120 and 140 lbs. I’d be happy to be 140 – still have some curves and a weight I can imagine maintaining. The slimmest I’ve been as an adult was 160 lbs. and I remember feeling fat. It’s amazing how bad I allowed other people to make me feel. At that weight, my stomach was flat, I had shapely legs, and I felt good. I like at pictures of myself from that time and I really looked healthy. It’s frustrating to know that I felt huge and defeated about my physical appearance.

As you can tell, I’ve got some self-image baggage that I’ll be losing along with actual pounds. In a way, that stuff is more dangerous to my overall health than cellulite. It’s an interesting journey that I’ve started. Hope I don’t get tired and collapse by the roadside along the way.


I’ve updated my weight tracker page. This week I lost 1.6 lbs. I’m happy with that considering I’m still slowly increasing my activity level. And I’m not being as faithful about tracking my points as I should be. The eTools really do help, but when I’m running around doing stuff, or sick like I’ve been this week, it’s hard to be as focused. Not making excuses or complaining. Just stating how it is with me. This is a lifestyle change that I’m working on and it will take some time.

I am thinking about healthier choices and being more mindful of what I choose to eat. Today has been a fairly good day. I had some veggie soup from a can for lunch – only 50 calories a serving and 0 points. Added some Triscuits with cheese and fruit and it was a satisfying meal.

Exercise has not happened this week because my energy level has been so low. Perhaps it would help me get better faster. I don’t know. I’ll get back on track next week. Maybe I’ll even throw my workout clothes in the Xterra and take advantage of the hotel facilities this weekend. Knitting isn’t exactly a calorie burner. Although I wonder if I could knit while pedaling away on the recumbant bike?

I just keep telling myself slow and steady wins the race…or weight loss.

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May 2020


Mar. 10 - Photography Class

Mar. 11 - Quad Cities SnB

Mar. 12 - Lincoln Reenactor performance at BHE

Mar. 13 - Annual budget due

Mar. 14 - SnB trip to Galena

Mar. 16-21 - Spring Break

Mar. 16-18 - On the Front Lines library conference in Springfield

Mar. 19-22 - In Kansas

Mar. 23 - Orientation in Quad Cities

Mar. 24 - Photography Class

Mar. 26 - Spring Break for Academic Librarians workshop in Peoria

Mar. 27 - Supervisor Development in Quad Cities

Apr. 2 - Using Social Technologies in Library Instruction workshop

Apr. 6 - Weight Watchers

Apr. 6 - My birthday

Apr. 7 - Photography Class

Apr. 9-12 - In Kansas

Apr. 10 - College Closed

Apr. 12 - Easter

Apr. 13-19 - National Library Week

Apr. 13 - Weight Watchers

Apr. 14 - Photography Class

Apr. 16 - Evening Instruction Session

Apr. 17 - Information Literacy Summit

Apr. 18 - A Day of Books and Quilts at Toulon Public Library

Apr. 20 - Weight Watchers

Apr. 21 - Photography Class

Apr. 22 - Renegade Reference meeting in Bloomington

Apr. 23 - Illinois Library Day

Apr. 24 - Quarterly Supervisors Meeting

Apr. 27 - Weight Watchers

Apr. 28 - Photography Class

Apr. 29 - Supervisor Training in Quad Cities

May 5 - Photography Class

May 12 - National Library Legislative Day

May 25 - Memorial Day - College Closed

June 4 - RSA Users' Group meeting in Peoria

June 6 - SIL's birthday June 6 - Brother and SIL Anniversary

June 8 - Nancy Pearl at Bradley University

June 13 - WWKIP train trip to St. Louis

July 3 - Holiday - College Closed

July 4 - Independence Day

July 10 - Mom's Birthday

July 10-15 - ALA Annual Conference in Chicago

July 17-19 - Midwest Fiber & Folk Art Fair in Crystal Lake, IL

July 31 - 10th Anniversary

Sept. 7 - Labor Day, College closed

Oct. 6-9 - Illinois Library Association Annual Conference in Peoria

Nov. 23 - Brother's birthday

Nov. 26 - Thanksgiving Day, College closed

Nov. 27 - College Closed

Dec. 7 - MIL's birthday

Dec. 18 - DH's birthday

Dec. 25 - Christmas Day

Dec. 26 - Dad's birthday

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