What crazy looks like
Posted March 2, 2009on:
Crazy looks like me some days.
“If you’re crazy, there’s two things you can do to make yourself feel better: One is to get yourself cured. The other is to make everyone you have to deal with crazy.” — Alan Dean Foster
I was having a conversation with some lovely women this weekend about mental illness. I’ve already talked before on the blog about mine, so I won’t get into that again.
But there are days when I feel like I’m barely hanging onto sanity. Not that I’m ever likely to go into some fun sort of craziness where I see things crawling on the walls or start talking to people who aren’t there. Nope, my crazy shows up in different ways. Like not wanting to get out of bed or not being able to deal with crowds. BTW, telling me to “cheer up”
Every day for me involves evaluating my mental state. Sounds exhausting? At first it was, but now it’s become habit. Why do I do this? To make sure that I’m coping well and not sliding into some sort of funk that will affect how I want to live my life. So far, just being aware and making minor adjustments as I need to has helped me maintain fairly well without any medication adjustments.
To answer the question, when will I stop taking medication? Most likely never. At least not any time soon. Our bodies chemistry changes throughout our lives and I do hope that one day mine will change to the extent that I won’t need the daily pill that keeps me stable. Hasn’t happened yet. That fact doesn’t depress me or frustrate me. It is what it is.
Despite all the mental/chemical/physiological stuff, I’ve reached a point where I’m fairly content and happy. Sure, there are things that could be better, different, easier, etc. Why worry about what I can’t change…or can’t change immediately? It is what it is.
So, yes. I’m a crazy person. I’ve embraced my personal craziness and am living my life just as I am. I am what I am.