Facing the truth
Posted September 22, 2008on:
The tools I gained at the meditation retreat are giving me new insight into some problems I’ve been dealing with for awhile now. Yes, work-related problems. So much of my life is spent at work that I can’t really ignore it.
What would I really like? For things to change enough that I’m not struggling on a daily basis. This is happening on a personal level. I don’t find myself as affected by some of the issues as much as I was a month ago. This is a good thing. I’ve realized that I control my own reactions and actions. (I think I’ve rationally know this for a long time, but it was reinforced and now I am also starting to focus on how my body responds when I’m faced with stress.) Being able to respond – or not respond – appropriately is going to be key in how long I’ll stay. At this point, I’m not in a big hurry to leave although I’m still keeping the options open.
What isn’t going to happen…at least not quickly? External changes. I do not have control over other people. This fact isn’t as frustrating as it was. It’s just what it is. There are simply things that are wrong with how people are treated and how things are done. While I can make sure I don’t copy the negative stuff or add to it, it is there. I will continue to try to offer positive and helpful assistance (and not be miffed when it’s rejected.) That’s really all I can do.
The law that was stressed over and over at the retreat was that nothing is permanent. Nothing. Everything is always changing. I realize that this situation is not permanent. What that means exactly, I don’t know at the moment. Life has taught me that when you change often happens in ways you don’t expect.
Another thing I’m working on getting through my thick skull is that I can only work in the present moment. I can plan for the future, but there is no use stressing about it. And the past is gone with no way to change it. This moment is what we have. Right now.
Another perspective is that there are far worse things happening in the world. By comparison, mine are extremely petty. I’ve got food to eat, clothes to wear, a comfortable place to sleep, work to occupy me, people who love me, and so much more. I hope to start volunteering more so that I can keep life in it’s proper perspective.
Yes, things are constantly changing.