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What it’s like to be mediocre

Posted on: August 12, 2008

There are days when I really do feel invisible. This week has been strange as we’ve had a new person starting and I’ve observed the fawning that people do sometimes. For whatever reasons, I wasn’t fawned over (or even particularly noticed much) when I first started working here. I’m glad that things are different for him. And I’m trying to make sure that I’m part of that change.

I might just suffer from low self-esteem (in fact, it’s likely I do.) There are times when I want to jump up and down and yell “Notice me. Pay attention to me.” But there’s the other part of me that embraces me general anonymity. As an introvert who feels uncomfortable with too much attention, it’s nice to blend into the scenery.

On the flip side, as I work towards tenure and trying to make an identity for myself in the library world (even if it’s a small identity) I have to step outside my comfort zone often. Yet, I’m intimidated all over the place. There are smarter, more talented, and better people out there. I’ve got to stop measuring myself by yardsticks that don’t fit me.

The upshot is that I’m trying to figure out what it is I do well. What type of librarian am I? What are my talents and what do I bring to the table? At the same time, I’m navigating how to best express myself so what I have to say (when it’s important) is considered and listened to. One thing that is difficult for me is keeping my mouth shut. Silence can be a powerful tool when you use it to emphasize the few things you do say. Of course, it can also make other people uncomfortable. However, that is a nice tool as well to keep people on their toes. *laugh*

Thing is, I’m not an A-lister, an early adopter, or that proverbial voice in the wilderness that people stop to listen to. But I am trying to make what I have to say valuable. I’m thinking and researching and learning on a daily basis, even if some things take me longer to grasp. And while I might still be mediocre, I intend to do it with class and style.

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August 2008
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Upcoming

Mar. 10 - Photography Class

Mar. 11 - Quad Cities SnB

Mar. 12 - Lincoln Reenactor performance at BHE

Mar. 13 - Annual budget due

Mar. 14 - SnB trip to Galena

Mar. 16-21 - Spring Break

Mar. 16-18 - On the Front Lines library conference in Springfield

Mar. 19-22 - In Kansas

Mar. 23 - Orientation in Quad Cities

Mar. 24 - Photography Class

Mar. 26 - Spring Break for Academic Librarians workshop in Peoria

Mar. 27 - Supervisor Development in Quad Cities

Apr. 2 - Using Social Technologies in Library Instruction workshop

Apr. 6 - Weight Watchers

Apr. 6 - My birthday

Apr. 7 - Photography Class

Apr. 9-12 - In Kansas

Apr. 10 - College Closed

Apr. 12 - Easter

Apr. 13-19 - National Library Week

Apr. 13 - Weight Watchers

Apr. 14 - Photography Class

Apr. 16 - Evening Instruction Session

Apr. 17 - Information Literacy Summit

Apr. 18 - A Day of Books and Quilts at Toulon Public Library

Apr. 20 - Weight Watchers

Apr. 21 - Photography Class

Apr. 22 - Renegade Reference meeting in Bloomington

Apr. 23 - Illinois Library Day

Apr. 24 - Quarterly Supervisors Meeting

Apr. 27 - Weight Watchers

Apr. 28 - Photography Class

Apr. 29 - Supervisor Training in Quad Cities

May 5 - Photography Class

May 12 - National Library Legislative Day

May 25 - Memorial Day - College Closed

June 4 - RSA Users' Group meeting in Peoria

June 6 - SIL's birthday June 6 - Brother and SIL Anniversary

June 8 - Nancy Pearl at Bradley University

June 13 - WWKIP train trip to St. Louis

July 3 - Holiday - College Closed

July 4 - Independence Day

July 10 - Mom's Birthday

July 10-15 - ALA Annual Conference in Chicago

July 17-19 - Midwest Fiber & Folk Art Fair in Crystal Lake, IL

July 31 - 10th Anniversary

Sept. 7 - Labor Day, College closed

Oct. 6-9 - Illinois Library Association Annual Conference in Peoria

Nov. 23 - Brother's birthday

Nov. 26 - Thanksgiving Day, College closed

Nov. 27 - College Closed

Dec. 7 - MIL's birthday

Dec. 18 - DH's birthday

Dec. 25 - Christmas Day

Dec. 26 - Dad's birthday

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